All bout’ Me

Anything

Just one of the days, some grumbles

It has been a very long time, probably about a long 6 months that I did not come in here to update some stuff, some food. Thanks to my super hectic new job, well, I can barely breathe even at this time, I still have to monitor some production work through my company phone now becos there is some night job going on. (oh well, although production is totally not my job). At least I got some rest this past Monday due to public holiday, thanks Agung for announcing that there would be penalty if those construction companies insisted to work on that day, and I can breathe nicely without any phone calls disturbing me for a day. ( literally, I just threw the phone in the bag and nv took it out until Tuesday morning)

For the past few months, It was all about work and work and work. Phew, how come a German company nv adopt its German culture in Malaysia (other than a stockpile of reports to do T-T)? It is a 5-day work week, but my company handphone can nv ever stop ringing on Saturday and I cant claim any OT. Hey , come on, it is my rest day yo! The disadvantage of technology advancement with all the watsapp and all…


Well, I still go out and try some of the new good restaurants in Jb. It is just that I barely have time to find all the photos out, to sort it out and post it. (a bit of handphone phobia here and there too, hahaha!) Will try to post some, maybe less photos but with more words. (actually photo does not matter as long as the food is nice, hehe!)

I had a dream this morning that I was having a very delicious chicken rice with a fren just opposite my office. The portion of the chicken rice was so huge, I tried to eat and eat until i was so full and I told my fren that I couldnt take it anymore. When i turned to my fren, he was going to have one more whole roasted chicken and the whole chicken was on his plate. Then I was feeling so stuffed and walking to my office in order to go to the toilet to vomit. Oh hell, Have I been eating too much lately to have such dream????


 

There have been less exercise activities for me for the past 6 months? ya, crap… Becos of the hectic work life, my everyday most desirable activity is to pass through all the traffic jam and get home, get a very hot shower take a nice dinner and lie on my bed to breathe slowly (more to normally) Being very sarcastic nowadays. (seems like a good excuse for not exercising isnt it?) So, Im having a middle-age crisis right now. T-T Slower metabolism appears in my mind for like 100 times now. NOooooo! I do not want to be a fat old lady T^T I want to be the young girl who was with spark in her eyes and looking forward to everything in life lah!

Goodnight loh~~~~

 

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Random Sunday night@ march 15

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Lavender aroma candle with Bruno mars songs.

Goodnite world!

Ice~ 12.15am ( Sunday night)

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Love-shaped egg

Picture 247_副本

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Journey of Love。心之旅

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每段故事的开始,都是带着最单纯的心,纯粹地期望在人生路上遇见对的人,一直开心地继续走着。。。

总以为,每一个人都同样带着一颗善良与真挚的心。

Every journey starts with an innocent and kind heart, with the hope to meet the right person down the road of life. In the hope of walking down the road happily till its end.,,

Without any doubt in the innocent mind, everyone seems as innocent, as kind, as friendly as ourselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Image 只是事实往往残酷,这段旅程遇上了错的人,我们害怕且惊慌失措。

 

However, reality is always cruel. We are terrified when we bump into a wrong guy or a bad guy in the journey.

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害怕与彷徨,觉得迷失了自己。深深地受到了伤害,我们的心也已残破不堪。Love Story- Get Hurt

生命中不可承受之痛。

我们决定把这残破不堪的心好好收进盒子里,不让别人看见,不让别人触碰,不再让别人破坏它。

“我会好好把它保护好,没有人可以再伤害它了!”

Not only do we feel terrified and panic, we feel lost too. We are hurt badly until our heart is so broken.

Unbearable pain.

The heart is so broken that we decide to keep it in a box. So, no one can see it, touch it and spoil it anymore.

“Nobody is allowed to touch it anymore! I will keep it safe!”

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love story- hiding heart

于是,我们带着这破损的心到处慌张躲避。躲开那些完整、完美的心,好担心别人会发现那残破的心。也好担心他们会再把那已经残破不全的心抢去,糟蹋至破碎。

“不能再相信别人了,他们都不是好人!我要努力避开这些人,把路走完。”

就在慌张乱窜间,不小心撞着了在前方的一个路人。 路人满脸堆笑道歉,我们只觉生气,为什么你挡着我的去路,闯进我的生活?!你是不是想打坏主意?是不是要抢走我的盒子呀?

但是这一个不小心碰上的路人,非常友善且不带恶意。是不是我们误会了?其实他并没有恶意的,我们好像反应过度了。 是不是不应该把全部人都一概而论,把他们全当坏人?这世上还有好人存在的吧。。。

Because we feel so panic, we are trying our best to run away from all the people. Running away from the complete and beautiful hearts, so that our broken hearts will not be exposed. The fear that the heart might be getting hurt again accelerate the pace for running because the heart is so damaged, if these people snatch it and hurt it, it will be totally crushed.

“Nobody can be trusted, they ain’t good and kind people! I have to keep running away from them, I have to finish the journey to reach the destination. ”

Running panicky and recklessly without paying much attention on the road, we accidentally bump into a passer-by on the road. The guy keeps apologizing with a friendly manner. We just feel so angry and frustrated. Why are you blocking my way. why are you coming into our lives?! Are you planning to do something bad to me? Are you planning to snatch my box?

But this guy still maintain to be friendly and seems like a gentleman without any bad intention. Seems like we have misunderstood him and we are over-reacting. Maybe we should not treat all the people as bad guys, maybe, just maybe there are still someone kind out there.

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  在谈话中,他得知了那破碎的心。他想知道那心损坏的程度,他能帮助把心修补好。但是由于过去心被人恶意破坏伤害的经验,我们很坚持不能让别人看见或触碰。

“不行,我不能把心打开让你看见!” “不行,我不能再冒这个风险了!”

见到我们如此坚持,他不知道还能做些什么,只有选择黯然离去。 其实我们断然拒绝帮助且看着他默然离去, 我们的心里也是很难过的。我们一直承受着独自走在路上的寂寞,每分每秒活在担心害怕的恐惧中。我们也希望终有那么一天,我们能像旅途之初那样,抱着一颗完整的心,期待开心地走在路上, 不是像现在一样永无止境地逃亡。

During the conversation, the guy knows that our heart is broken. He is curious and want to see how bad it is. He can help to fix it! We insisted not to expose the heart due to the fear which caused by the past experience.

“No! I cannot show it to you!” “No, I cannot risk to take it out!”

After seeing the strong determination and resistance, the guy really do not know how he can help. What he can do is only to leave sadly. We feel very sad too by rejecting the help, by seeing him leaving sadly. We have been suffering by travelling alone, by living with the intense fear. We also hope to walk this road again with a complete heart, to complete the journey lightheartedly and happily just like the beginning of the journey, not with the ever escaping pace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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love story- first step out

内心挣扎不已,然后下定决心决定冒险一次,我们把那打开心的钥匙丢向他。他很开心因为我们给了他一个机会去修补我们那破损的心。他用那钥匙打开了那收藏心的盒子。当然,他因为看到了心毁坏不堪的程度也吓了一跳。

After a tough struggling in the mind, we throw the key of the box to the guy. He is very happy to have the chance to help to repair the damaged heart. He uses the key to open the box where the damaged heart lies in. And yea, he is shocked to see the badly damaged heart.

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虽然他很吃惊,但是仍深具信心一定能把心修补好!我们呢,心里还是很担心不知道能不能修好。在一番努力后,心终于被修好了。

虽然心不再像从前一样完美无瑕,可是心又恢复完整咯!

 Although he is shocked but he is very confident to be able to fix the heart! Yet we are still quite worried and not sure whether this can work out.

After the efforts by the guy, the heart is fixed. It might not be as flawless as before, but the heart is back!

 

 

 

 

 

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love story- flying high

满心欢喜又重新拥有了完整的心。忽而刮来一阵大风,把我们吹到天上,我们惊慌失措。他伸出手给我们安心。 原来随着命运之风飘流,也能安稳安然地想前行。

走在路上,抑或是随风飘送,都是往目的地前进的一种方式。 旅程还在继续,虽然不知道会不会有一天又因为心破损而回到陆地上,沿途不同风景,美丽开心,抑或难过沮丧。

终究,我们会在命运安排下把这个旅程走完,到达目的地。

We are so happy to own a complete heart again. However, we are panic again when a sudden strong wind blows us up to the sky. He gives us his hand and hold ours to make us calm. Just realize that we are able to move forward steadily and calmly by not resisting  the flow of the wind of destiny.

No matter we walk on the road or fly in the sky, it is just a way to complete the journey towards its destination. It is an ongoing journey, we do not know if the heart will be damaged and we will be back to the land again.

 This journey consists of beautiful things, sad things, no matter what, we will complete this journey to its destination in the arrangement of fate.

Yan。Olivia Ice~ Hopes that love can water you and grow well.

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The first time I feel like crying for leaving a company.

I submitted my resignation to my HR yesterday, with my direct superior, Director C’s absence.

I was struggling for quite some time, as being grateful to the company, to the co-workers, to my director, I continued to work and just delayed the thought of leaving the company. I am grateful to my director who has been giving me a lot of support either on work or personal life. He gave a lot of support and advice to me, tried to help me through depression, through the toughest time of my personal life. Grateful to those colleagues who share a lot of positive things, own experiences, daily lives (sad & happy) with me.

I am not very happy with the company management all the while, not really the whole management just the way the Managing Director aka boss is doing. Sometimes I really grudged this to my director to my hr, but I really treasure the people I meet here. So it was just some grudges without any solid action. Almost two years here, there were a lot of people joined and left. There are a lot of people who offered their helps, frankly speaking I am feeling very sad to resign for the very first time although the job sometimes drove me crazy and the salary made me feel so exploited.

The frustrating story begins with February this year, boss hired an assistant manager to my department who was supposed to be one level higher than me (but I still directly reported to my director, just had a new member who got higher rank and higher pay than me). This assistant manager claimed that he worked in a renowned international bank as manager before this job and he is English-speaking (aka banana, chinese who can’t speak chinese but english). Boss interviewed this guy himself and decided to hire this guy himself. After he joined the company, I was down with dengue for two weeks. When I was back to work, boss had instructed this AM to in charge of South East Asia market. It was good news to me, as I was the one who in charge of everything about overseas market. So then, this AM in charged of SEA and I could focus on Africa and other countries. As people like to say, things usually do not go so smoothly. He started to contact with Lao’s customer and a middleman from Singapore for Lao’s market. When I was back, things already in trouble. There was some argument between this AM and the Lao’s customer and middleman, they complained the AM for not being professional and his english is only primary six standard. Whatever it was, I did not want to be involved.

He also always came to me, asked me to help review the emails that he prepared to send to customers. Then I had to amend the email, grammar and fluency of the email to him. I wonder if a manager could not even send a simple proper email. After that, there was an enquiry from Pakistan, the potential customer had a long list of enquiries. My director thought this can be a chance to verify the complaints from the Lao’s customers, so he passed the enquiries to the AM, asked the AM to try to answer and before sending out the reply to customer, it had to be reviewed by my director first. After the reply was done and passed to my director for review. My director passed the reply to me and asked me to review. And well, I did. The reply was really not that professional and tactful, and there were some technical questions he answered wrongly. If he did not know abt the technical part (although he claimed that his degree is in Engineering), although he was still new to the company, he should have asked the technical team in order to convey the correct information to the customer. So I was like a teacher using red pen to mark his paper and giving my comments and the 3-page paper was all red. It was ok for my director as he was still new and he could learn throughout the job. Frankly speaking, I had doubt and felt unhappy why the boss recruited someone who is less capable than me, but ranking and salary is higher than me. This is kind of funny.

One more week later, there were 2 government officials from Africa to visit us. It was a one-week business trip, so we had to accompany them for one week. The first 3-day activities were all in Johor, so we had to do presentation, to go for factory visit and site visit and of course entertainment like dining, drinking or bringing them to massage. The following days would be some meetings with banks and others in Kuala Lumpur, as the whole programme would be until Sunday which clashed with my MBA class, so I did not join for the following days. This was where something big happened. Our company has a condo for my department staff to stay during outstation, even my boss and director, everyone will stay there when we go KL. But this AM said he has house there, he wanna go back and visit his sister so he cant drive and stay with my director at the condo. Then my director drove himself back at night. The last night before the officials leaving Malaysia, they requested to go for late night drinking and have some entertainment after meeting. This is for work and this AM brought his gf there, sat another table and played cards there, leaving the officials to my director. Before the officials and my director planning to leave, the AM and his gf had already long gone but the problem was the car key and my director’s luggage were still with the AM (luggage was in the car because the AM said it was late at night, he will book a hotel room nearby for my director). That happened at 2am. My director kept calling the AM’s cellphone, but nobody answered. Can you imagine after whole day long of work, your subordinate left you at nowhere when you are beat? Finally at 3am, the AM called back and came to fetch and dropped my director to hotel. There would be another meeting with the officials at 10am in the morning at the officials’ hotel, my director waited at the hotel for the AM to fetch him (cos AM took the company car). He did not come and my director had to go to the hotel himself. After the unpleasant trip and back to JB, boss terminated this AM within 24 hours notice. Funny right? Boss, not the one who boast and flatter you is capable person. Can you learn from your past experience and lessons?!

When I thought everything is over, peace at work would be restored. Here came another very unhappy and unfair issue. Boss hired a PA two months ago, he announced to promote this PA to business development manager straight after confirming her in probation period. This is the trigger point! The PA did not do anything related to business development at all and I worked for almost two years, in charge of everything for international market (except decision-making part, cos boss do not let other people make decision at all, everybody has to listen to him) but my work seemed to be unappreciated and unrecognized. Well, of course this PA is very capable at boasting and flattering my boss…. even my HR was not informed about the promotion of PA before the meeting. Suddenly I have somebody who know nothing, no experience in business related job become my superior again (of course, I still directly report to my director). I previously had requested for increment, I had no increment since I joined. The reason the company gave was sales was bad for these few years. Now I do not understand why if this is the reason, how can boss promote a non-related personnel to business development manager. I voiced out, this is just too unfair. My director and HR cannot do anything as this is boss’s decision. They proposed to boss for increment, boss promised to review but until now no news. She already pissed me off a few times when she had not got promoted. Told her the documents are urgent to let boss sign, she dumped in the tray like nobody’s business. Ok, never mind if she cannot do her job well. Worse is when there was some doubt or mistake happened, she pushed the fault to other people. After promotion, she is getting worse like she is boss. She  wanna get a hand on everything, except her own stuff. For one small matter, she can call my cell for like 10 times in 20 minutes. She also called me saying she does not know how to do business development plan.

OS in my heart: “Sorry, I wont help you. Since you are so good and you are manager now, you should do it yourself. I wont give you my work in Microsoft Words cos I am not willing to give my work to you and you pretend you do it. I am not going to let you taking advantage on me anymore. And stop calling me so many times!”

In the end, I see no point to stay in terms of career development although I have not received any new job offer yet. Very daring to make the decision, just dunno whether this is the right decision. Fear…. trying very hard to handle my fear, fear of future now.

Last but not least, still feel very bad to resign, especially towards my director. I thought my HR has not informed him about my resignation yet, cos HR is on leave today. But HR just called to ask if my director has talked to me abt my resignation, in fact, he has not talked anything abt it yet. No wonder he seemed so sad and troubled the whole day. I feel very bad to him for making him troubled and sad. He must be thinking dunno whether let me go will be better for me or keep me staying will be better for me, cos I am still taking my part time MBA at this moment.

I do not like to make people around me sad, I will feel that I am responsible for that, I do not want them to feel sad. When I am able to make people around me happy, I will be the happiest.

Just hope that he will understand this is not his problem, it is just some problem with boss’s management style. (Boss actually is a gd person, except for work and management. He went to hospital to visit me during my dengue and squeeze one full cup of papaya leaf juice for me)

Thanks fate for having the chance to get to know these wonderful people in my life. Let me know life is like everybody’s else, a normal life, I can have emotions too which everybody else has, I can show my emotions just like anybody else and many more…no need to pretend I am flawless and I am allowed to make mistakes and sometimes complain this and that, talk some craps.

The first time I feel like crying for leaving a company. Complicated feeling.

Can I cry?

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Why fate has to be so naughty…..

Olivia @ tears drop

 

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R.I.P My Love “Brownie”

24th May 2014 The day to be remembered, the tragic death of my brownie aka nee nee.

Accident, ran over by car.

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I am sorry that I was unable to see you for the last time, unable to be present before your last breath. You passed away in pain…I could see it from the pool of blood…

I cried for you, might still be crying again and again. Thank you for your accompany for the past 4 months, for never leaving me alone. Thanks for bringing me all the joys, the troubles, the love! Sometimes I was angry at you, sometimes you were angry at me. Sometimes I ignored you, sometimes when I called you, you ignored me too. But you knew I love you, I know you love me too. But we never expected that you would be gone in a sudden, in just a second. Thank you for everything you brought to my life, thanks for saving my life, thanks for your sunshine smile, thanks for your innocent look, thanks for your hug,thanks for always being there…..

Thanks for coming into my life.

Give you all my blessings, pray that you are in a better place now.I love you.

Rest In Peace, my darling.

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Two week rest

I am finally back to work. It was the worst nightmare this year to be hospitalized for a week!

And once again, I was sent to hospital on Valentine’s day! *Snap!* (I was sent to hospital emergency last year on Valentine’s Day too, almost died on the way due to breathing problem)

What about this time? Dengue Fever!

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Dengue fever is a virus-caused disease that is spread by mosquitoes. It is spread by the bite of mosquitoes, most commonly the mosquito Aedes aegypti, which is found in tropic and subtropic regions.
This area includes parts of:
  • Indonesian archipelago into northeastern Australia
  • South and Central America
  • Southeast Asia
  • Sub-Saharan Africa
  • Some parts of the Caribbean
Dengue fever begins with a sudden high fever, often as high as 104 – 105 degrees Fahrenheit, 4 to 7 days after the infection. A flat, red rash may appear over most of the body 2 to 5 days after the fever starts. A second rash, which looks like the measles, appears later in the disease. Infected people may have increased skin sensitivity and are very uncomfortable.
Other symptoms include:
  • Fatigue
  • Headache (especially behind the eyes)
  • Joint aches
  • Muscle aches
  • Nausea
  • Swollen lymph nodes
  • Vomiting
  • Cough
  • Sore throat
  • Nasal stuffiness
Tests that may be done to diagnose this condition include:
  • Antibody titer for dengue virus types
  • Complete blood count (CBC)
  • Polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test for dengue virus types
  • Liver function tests
There is no specific treatment for dengue fever. You will need fluids if there are signs of dehydrationAcetaminophen (Tylenol) is used to treat a high fever.

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I had all the symptoms above and whole body covered by rashes with itchiness! (even on my face)

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I could not scratch, if I scratch the rashes will be itchier and swollen. Doc gave me only one pill for itchiness in a day, and the itchiness had driven me crazy. After my grudges, doc finally gave me calamine lotion to soothe the itchiness…well, although it did not really help, at least it was better than nothing. So every night in hospital, I could not sleep because of the itchiness, I would sit up in the midnight and stared at my feet, applying the calamine lotion so thick as if I was painting a wall. Another thing is the dripping, once I admitted into hospital, the dripping was non-stop, 24-7 until i discharged. I was swollen like a balloon. When my right hand for dripping was swollen, they switched the dripping to left hand. When left hand was swollen, they switched back to right hand but a new uninjured blood vessel.

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There are a few traditional ways to help dengue fever patient to recover, which are proven to be effective and adopted by most people here. First, to make papaya leave juice. Remember not to add in any water or sugar, it must be 100% pure papaya leave juice. After washing the papaya leaves, you have to use tissue paper or kitchen roll to absorb the water on papaya leaves. The taste is bitter and awful but is able to help you to recover faster. Another one is by steaming wild bittergourd with frogs (edible one, in chinese called “田鸡”). You have to put the bittergourd and frogs together in a bowl with cover or a mug, do not add any water into the bowl. Put the covered bowl or mug into steamer to steam, the essence of the both ingredients will help patient to recover too.

A good thing was that after staying in hospital for a week, doc gave me another one week medical leave. Finally I had some time to really rest and recover. I felt like I have not been resting well for a very long time. Now I am back to work and almost used up the whole year medical leaves. 

I had received many calls, many messages during hospitalization. I did not answer or reply in time, I was too fatigue. Thanks for all the cares! During the recuperation at home, I deactivated my facebook account. Some friends thought I blocked them, some are still not aware of that, some do not understand why. The reason being is very simple, I want to run away. some people will ask, what are you running away from?

My answer: everything.

I will get myself and my life back. I am Ice.

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