The first time I feel like crying for leaving a company.

I submitted my resignation to my HR yesterday, with my direct superior, Director C’s absence.

I was struggling for quite some time, as being grateful to the company, to the co-workers, to my director, I continued to work and just delayed the thought of leaving the company. I am grateful to my director who has been giving me a lot of support either on work or personal life. He gave a lot of support and advice to me, tried to help me through depression, through the toughest time of my personal life. Grateful to those colleagues who share a lot of positive things, own experiences, daily lives (sad & happy) with me.

I am not very happy with the company management all the while, not really the whole management just the way the Managing Director aka boss is doing. Sometimes I really grudged this to my director to my hr, but I really treasure the people I meet here. So it was just some grudges without any solid action. Almost two years here, there were a lot of people joined and left. There are a lot of people who offered their helps, frankly speaking I am feeling very sad to resign for the very first time although the job sometimes drove me crazy and the salary made me feel so exploited.

The frustrating story begins with February this year, boss hired an assistant manager to my department who was supposed to be one level higher than me (but I still directly reported to my director, just had a new member who got higher rank and higher pay than me). This assistant manager claimed that he worked in a renowned international bank as manager before this job and he is English-speaking (aka banana, chinese who can’t speak chinese but english). Boss interviewed this guy himself and decided to hire this guy himself. After he joined the company, I was down with dengue for two weeks. When I was back to work, boss had instructed this AM to in charge of South East Asia market. It was good news to me, as I was the one who in charge of everything about overseas market. So then, this AM in charged of SEA and I could focus on Africa and other countries. As people like to say, things usually do not go so smoothly. He started to contact with Lao’s customer and a middleman from Singapore for Lao’s market. When I was back, things already in trouble. There was some argument between this AM and the Lao’s customer and middleman, they complained the AM for not being professional and his english is only primary six standard. Whatever it was, I did not want to be involved.

He also always came to me, asked me to help review the emails that he prepared to send to customers. Then I had to amend the email, grammar and fluency of the email to him. I wonder if a manager could not even send a simple proper email. After that, there was an enquiry from Pakistan, the potential customer had a long list of enquiries. My director thought this can be a chance to verify the complaints from the Lao’s customers, so he passed the enquiries to the AM, asked the AM to try to answer and before sending out the reply to customer, it had to be reviewed by my director first. After the reply was done and passed to my director for review. My director passed the reply to me and asked me to review. And well, I did. The reply was really not that professional and tactful, and there were some technical questions he answered wrongly. If he did not know abt the technical part (although he claimed that his degree is in Engineering), although he was still new to the company, he should have asked the technical team in order to convey the correct information to the customer. So I was like a teacher using red pen to mark his paper and giving my comments and the 3-page paper was all red. It was ok for my director as he was still new and he could learn throughout the job. Frankly speaking, I had doubt and felt unhappy why the boss recruited someone who is less capable than me, but ranking and salary is higher than me. This is kind of funny.

One more week later, there were 2 government officials from Africa to visit us. It was a one-week business trip, so we had to accompany them for one week. The first 3-day activities were all in Johor, so we had to do presentation, to go for factory visit and site visit and of course entertainment like dining, drinking or bringing them to massage. The following days would be some meetings with banks and others in Kuala Lumpur, as the whole programme would be until Sunday which clashed with my MBA class, so I did not join for the following days. This was where something big happened. Our company has a condo for my department staff to stay during outstation, even my boss and director, everyone will stay there when we go KL. But this AM said he has house there, he wanna go back and visit his sister so he cant drive and stay with my director at the condo. Then my director drove himself back at night. The last night before the officials leaving Malaysia, they requested to go for late night drinking and have some entertainment after meeting. This is for work and this AM brought his gf there, sat another table and played cards there, leaving the officials to my director. Before the officials and my director planning to leave, the AM and his gf had already long gone but the problem was the car key and my director’s luggage were still with the AM (luggage was in the car because the AM said it was late at night, he will book a hotel room nearby for my director). That happened at 2am. My director kept calling the AM’s cellphone, but nobody answered. Can you imagine after whole day long of work, your subordinate left you at nowhere when you are beat? Finally at 3am, the AM called back and came to fetch and dropped my director to hotel. There would be another meeting with the officials at 10am in the morning at the officials’ hotel, my director waited at the hotel for the AM to fetch him (cos AM took the company car). He did not come and my director had to go to the hotel himself. After the unpleasant trip and back to JB, boss terminated this AM within 24 hours notice. Funny right? Boss, not the one who boast and flatter you is capable person. Can you learn from your past experience and lessons?!

When I thought everything is over, peace at work would be restored. Here came another very unhappy and unfair issue. Boss hired a PA two months ago, he announced to promote this PA to business development manager straight after confirming her in probation period. This is the trigger point! The PA did not do anything related to business development at all and I worked for almost two years, in charge of everything for international market (except decision-making part, cos boss do not let other people make decision at all, everybody has to listen to him) but my work seemed to be unappreciated and unrecognized. Well, of course this PA is very capable at boasting and flattering my boss…. even my HR was not informed about the promotion of PA before the meeting. Suddenly I have somebody who know nothing, no experience in business related job become my superior again (of course, I still directly report to my director). I previously had requested for increment, I had no increment since I joined. The reason the company gave was sales was bad for these few years. Now I do not understand why if this is the reason, how can boss promote a non-related personnel to business development manager. I voiced out, this is just too unfair. My director and HR cannot do anything as this is boss’s decision. They proposed to boss for increment, boss promised to review but until now no news. She already pissed me off a few times when she had not got promoted. Told her the documents are urgent to let boss sign, she dumped in the tray like nobody’s business. Ok, never mind if she cannot do her job well. Worse is when there was some doubt or mistake happened, she pushed the fault to other people. After promotion, she is getting worse like she is boss. She  wanna get a hand on everything, except her own stuff. For one small matter, she can call my cell for like 10 times in 20 minutes. She also called me saying she does not know how to do business development plan.

OS in my heart: “Sorry, I wont help you. Since you are so good and you are manager now, you should do it yourself. I wont give you my work in Microsoft Words cos I am not willing to give my work to you and you pretend you do it. I am not going to let you taking advantage on me anymore. And stop calling me so many times!”

In the end, I see no point to stay in terms of career development although I have not received any new job offer yet. Very daring to make the decision, just dunno whether this is the right decision. Fear…. trying very hard to handle my fear, fear of future now.

Last but not least, still feel very bad to resign, especially towards my director. I thought my HR has not informed him about my resignation yet, cos HR is on leave today. But HR just called to ask if my director has talked to me abt my resignation, in fact, he has not talked anything abt it yet. No wonder he seemed so sad and troubled the whole day. I feel very bad to him for making him troubled and sad. He must be thinking dunno whether let me go will be better for me or keep me staying will be better for me, cos I am still taking my part time MBA at this moment.

I do not like to make people around me sad, I will feel that I am responsible for that, I do not want them to feel sad. When I am able to make people around me happy, I will be the happiest.

Just hope that he will understand this is not his problem, it is just some problem with boss’s management style. (Boss actually is a gd person, except for work and management. He went to hospital to visit me during my dengue and squeeze one full cup of papaya leaf juice for me)

Thanks fate for having the chance to get to know these wonderful people in my life. Let me know life is like everybody’s else, a normal life, I can have emotions too which everybody else has, I can show my emotions just like anybody else and many more…no need to pretend I am flawless and I am allowed to make mistakes and sometimes complain this and that, talk some craps.

The first time I feel like crying for leaving a company. Complicated feeling.

Can I cry?

ImageImage

Why fate has to be so naughty…..

Olivia @ tears drop

 

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