The Betrayal

I just came back for one week business trip in KL. It was a super busy week to deal with all the Kenya County Governments with total of 20++ people. From every morning 6am, worked until 11pm- 1am the whole past week. And yes now, I am back to office for work again.

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I thought to look for my uni frens out in KL, but due to my super tight schedule, I gave them a rain cheque. Anyways, I was chatting with Diane on Facebook. Finally I told her what I feel all the while. I am not sure if she truly understands what I said, but I seriously feel the betrayal by all of you, especially you. None of you realized that I have been left out by all of you for years, while you are still thinking that you all care for me. I have been alienated and left out for years but you still dare to say “I care for you” these words.  

Please try not saying “care” this word to me while you are obviously not. This will not reduce your guilt or my hatred on you. Why wanna do something to reduce your guilt while you are guilty? By doing this, you just show me how selfish you are to try to reduce your own guilt, by hurting me more. 

YOU ARE NOT DOING IT FOR ME, STOP SAYING YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR ME!

IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

Especially you, I hate betrayal. You stop making it like not your fault, stop saying that I keep blaming on you. In fact you are the one to blame! Stop trying to reduce your guilt by saying you are not the wrong one which in fact your action tells the truth. You know why I keep saying you are selfish? Because you are bloody selfish. You dumped me alone for years, left me out for years, but you told me you care for me, which is the shittest thing on earth! I kept giving giving and giving. You just take all for granted, just take without giving and still think that you are the right one with god sake of all your reasonable reason, you are not to be blamed. Pls as what I told you , use your brain to think, ok?

Have u ever thought about this, that you actually left me behind all the years and still think you care for me? In what sense you care? I have to follow you, keep follow you wherever you go no matter how busy I was, no matter how sad I was.  I followed you to Aus. in order to see you, no matter how tired I was even I couldn’t take leave, I insisted on to go to see you for a 4-hour journey.

You only know to say “I care for you” by your mouth but did nothing. Am I being ridiculous to blame you? And no matter how you try to cover your betrayal, it is the fact that you know it too. Why don’t you just be honest and frank instead of trying to cover the third party thing? Why? Because you are always a righteous man and do not wanna show other ppl your bad side?

But for god sake, I am the one deserve the truth. And becos of your selfishness and ego to protect yourself and to reduce your own guilt, you are hurting me more and more.

For all these, I am not making you love me because I hate you because you are the one who making me hate you.  Use your stupid brain to think, if I ever hate somebody for no concrete reason.  You real idiot!  

I am not a dog, u dumped me few years then after I saw you again, I will go wag my tails at you! 

I am a human with strong emotions!

Dun expect me to be like a dog to follow your step and listen to whatever u said after u dumped it. 

The fact that you destroy “YOU” as being a good man, an understanding man, a righteous man. you destroy “YOU” in my heart.

This is all about Betrayal of you. If you are being betrayed, you will understand. so I guess you should really experience how betrayal feels like, it will make you more considerate and be more understanding. And of course, make you regret on how you have treated me.

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Omg, I just keep sneezing.. Is there somebody cursing me now for the post? I guess so.

Well, I should be praised for having the courage to point out the mistakes of you, right?

By doing this, you cant justify my honesty or courage as right or wrong. this is totally based on your benchmark or standard of thinking. If you say I am wrong in doing this, does this mean that you are wrong too? And you do not want to admit that you are wrong.

God bless you. 

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Olivia~ with a lot of hurt on the kind soul…

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